So far, 2022 is not my year. I’ve had to take some time for myself but often think of my blog.
While, I’m composed I thought I’d sit and write. In my last post I mentioned I’d had COVID which explained my absence, this time it’s because I lost someone close to me. Not COVID related.
I’m not here to talk about death and loss. This is a weight loss blog. What I am going to talk about though is dealing with grief and emotional eating.
At the beginning of the year I was in a really good place, new lifestyle changes, feeling positive, energetic, and genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. This loss hit me hard, like life decided I needed grinding back down to nothing — HARD.
Some people, I consider these people lucky and I am not one of them, respond to stress by losing their appetite.
I’m am an emotional eater.
I don’t need much of an excuse on a normal day to eat; MC4r gene just chilling back there like: “Hey girl, you hungry? Just kidding, I know you are — because of me!”
If you want to know what this voice sounds like, it’s a bit like a sassy drag queen because I watch way too much RuPaul’s Drag Race. However, on a normal day, I get to be sassy back to Ms MC4r, I tell her to she’s just not hungry, just bored and to shut the fuck up.
But when you’re grieving, when you’re in a bad place mentally — whatever causes that depression — you don’t have the fight to tell that voice no. You agree with that voice, your “shut the fuck up” becomes “fuck it I want the doughnut” and then that becomes like two doughnuts because the first one didn’t make you feel better.
What is emotional eating? Think about it, really think about it.
Have you thought about it?
It’s using your emotions as an excuse to eat what you want.
Over the past two weeks, I’ve had so many people say: “Well you can eat all the chocolate you want, you’re grieving.”
People reinforce this behaviour — why? That’s my question. Why do we as people, reinforce emotional eating as a healthy thing to do when a person is depressed? Why do we tell people it’s okay to eat their feelings?
You know in your heart of hearts, it won’t make you feel better, but you do it anyway.
It’s the only thing I can think of where we do it as a solution to a problem, knowing that the “proposed solution”, doesn’t solve the problem.
Yes. Depression is a complex problem, it has many layers. But knowing, what you’re about to do won’t help and doing it anyway…
I get mad at myself thinking about this, and at the same time there is still a part of me that’s goes: but you’re grieving. Like some how depression changes the rules.
It’s easy for me to sit and critique all the crazy and bad decisions I’ve made the last two weeks as I’ve tried to deal with this and I’d be really interested to hear what other people think.
I’m hoping having written this and vented some feelings maybe next time I’ll think twice before I use my emotions as an excuse to eat. maybe the next time I feel really awful, depressed and just bad instead of “fuck it” I might think, no eating chocolate is not practical in dealing with these feelings, and do something more proactive.
I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Since I’m still grieving, I probably won’t have to wait long to find out.