It’s going to be a short post today. Generally when I write it’s because I want to share a story, a personal experience or something positive. I hope to motive change or educate and raise awareness about obesity related disorders.
However, I’m only human. I’m a human who alongside MC4r also suffers with chronic headaches and migraine, fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety. This is why I don’t update weekly, even when I want to. Sometimes it’s because I’m in pain and other times, like at the moment, it’s because I’m not always in the best headspace. I never know what’s going to trigger my depression, I can spend weeks in the happiest mood with the biggest smile on my face and suddenly turn because something tiny happens. Even though rationally I know that tiny thing wasn’t the reason, and the cause is deeper than that, it can take me some time to recover and find myself again.
Much of the time my depression is because of my weight. I’ve mentioned that I wasn’t given my diagnosis until I was in my late teens. There are memories in my childhood and adolescence that I very much want to forget, memories I regressed and remembered that I wish had stayed buried. My depression began long before my diagnosis and got better because of my diagnosis because it helped me forgive myself and find acceptance. However, it didn’t erase the pain and these moments still exist in my memories. I’m not telling you this for sympathy because I don’t want it. I’m telling you this because whether you’re a first time reader or someone who visits my blog periodically, I want you to know that I’m human. Whatever your opinion of me. I struggle like everybody else with my own demons. Much of the time I walk around with a smile on my face, confidently and tell everyone around me to love themselves because they should. But, there are days like now, where I struggle to love myself because I am human.
It’s okay to have days like these. It’s okay to not be okay.
You don’t always have to smile. You’re allowed to be sad and feel pain. But, remember even though you’re allowed to, you shouldn’t stay in that place too long. Pick yourself back up and let yourself be happy because you’re the only person standing in your way.